Endless Winter

You know those people that you just feel a crazy strange connection with? Well, I met one. Its weird. We jive on a deep and personal level. And yet, something is off. Maybe its the age thing, maybe its the whole beliefs differences. No, its definitely the fact that when we dance time stands still. He's confused about this crazy connection the two of us share. We connect so perfectly that people in the same room have stopped in the middle of their own dance simply to watch.

We met over summer, but I wouldn't say we were friends until winter. Then you were a constant presence. There was always a txt from you when I woke up or when I went to sleep. We chatted about life, food, hobbies, interests, and many other things. We talked, we ate, we watched movies. We spent my whole winter break like that. Even while I was in Hawai'i.

Then I left for school. And you got distant.

Our Endless Winter didn't seem so endless anymore. I can still recall every dance we've ever had, every song we listened to together, every moment spent curled up on your couch watching Underworld 1-3 and freaking out about number 4. I remember feeling myself growing fond of you. I thought you were fond of me too. I just didn't know how much.

Turns out, it was a lot more than I expected it to be. You were beginning to think of me as a person of interest. Not at all what I had in mind. I was thinking about my relationship, and how much I love him, and that just didn't add up to exploring this connection. The connection made us great dance partners but lousy friends.

We chatted occasionally, but never as much as we did before. You explained more of why you were pulling away and I thought I understood it. I guess not. So now I've lost a dance partner, but more importantly I've lost a friend. I've lost someone that I trusted with secrets and opinions that I've rarely shared with other people. Any why? Why have I done this? Because I felt what you felt. I felt that draw between us. I felt that underlying tension that could never be released because of my relationship and your respect of that boundary.

I'll never forget the moments that we shared. I still think of you often. The number of trigger songs in my Spotify playlist is semi-ridiculous. But while I'll remember you always, know this: when you come knocking on my door again, I'll be there to answer.


David Keogh/Adrienne Carian – endless winter